Netflix — I thought you knew me?

Posted on June 8, 2016 by Taber Times

By Nikki Jamieson
Taber Times
njamieson@tabertimes.com

Sometimes, you’ve got to wonder about what your movie selection says about you.

A few years ago, I, like many Canadians, got into video streaming services.

It’s a great way to catch up on shows and older movies, without forking out $20 to rent/watch one or creating your own eye-patch.

Although most companies do consider Canada somewhat of a third-world country when it comes to broadband – often giving us a quarter of the selection our neighbours south of the border have access to, and say that we’re being trivial when we complain why are they getting all the good Canadian TV shows – having access to such an account allows you to stream old favourites as much as you want.

There is, after all, a reason why they invented the binge watch marathon.
Now that I am sounding like an ad, lets move on the actual watching of said movies.

Often times, you need to wait a few months before a recently released film shows up in the feed’s library. So, in the meantime you search through the numerous suggestions until you find something that catches your eye.

I watch a lot of crime dramas (Bones, Major Crimes, Law & Order: SVU), super hero films (Antman, Hellboy) and action flicks (The Losers, The Family). You would think that my suggestion feed will be filled with little known cop shows, b-rated save-the-world films and the like, correct?

Not the case here.

You see, about a year ago, I discovered that several nostalgic childhood films of mine had been uploaded.

You know the type; old films that you watched so much when you were little that you maybe destroyed the video tape or had parts memorized.

I found several of these films one day, and thought, ‘Oh, I remember this!’ and decided to watch one. Disney films began popping up in my feed – no complaints there, I don’t think I know a single person (whether they admit it or not) who doesn’t have a Disney classic film they hold close to their heart.

Then the winter holiday rolled around, and I began watching some previously unseen Christmas films – including one butchering of a beloved animated franchise that gave me nightmares.

Puppy films began appearing – cute, but not interested, why would I want to watch puppies ‘talking’, when I can see and cuddle the real thing at my parent’s house?

Then some guilty pleasure cartoon shows became available. ‘Nuff said there.

Somehow, my desire for crime solving, gun blazing, plot twists became overridden by decidedly more PG content. I don’t know how, but now no matter how many times I watch The Missing, it thinks that I want to watch Tinkerbell and friends because I watched The Rescuers – a 1977 animated film about a mouse society that rescues people is now considered corny after watching it again after 20 years, but surely it most be better then watching Tinkerbell save the day?

How did this happen?

A few abbreviations from my normal watch patterns in the last year have somehow overridden how many times I watched Dr. Temperance Brennan hold up a skull, or how many times the Major Crimes unit of the LAPD had to chase after a suspect, or the number of bad guys that get hit just so by a tiny human in a mechanical suit that he gets sent flying, or the many bullets they use up in some of these films.

I get that it’s best to lean more towards the PG then the R-rating of the movie spectrum when it comes to movie choices, but I do not want to watch Planes, I want to watch Lila and Eve.

Another season of that previously mentioned guilty pleasure show is set to be released soon, so I have been watching a lot of action movies to try and prevent something horrific like Barney from popping up on my feed.

Lots of b-rated stuff for sure, but I find that you have to watch five of them for every Lilo and Stitch you watch if you want a reasonable suggestion feed.

It will all be fixed and perfect, if only they made CSI available.

Let them try to put Tink on the feed then.